Lady Lazarus

I had resigned myself to being a lapsed blog, like the ones I keep going back to in the hope of being entertained, but months and months go by, and no news (I'm talking to you, Stef).  But, out of loyalty to my ones of followers, I will attempt to make more regular postings.  

Since my last post, the fam went on our first road trip, all the way down to Lou'siana, via Memphis.  It was awesome, but I don't feel like recapping the whole trip, so trust me.

Temple has kept growing, which is a positive trend.  When we got Clementine, I expected her to grow to the size of Flags.  I wanted to have two big boned pugs warming the bed during the winter to keep our electric bills down.  Then she got to about twelve pounds, maybe a foot long, and halted.  Then she broke her stupid neck and cost us a fortune, and now she is a crabby, cynical runt who walks funny.  We still love her, but she's a dissapointment.  So, I'm glad Temple is growing.  Her head could stand to slow it down, though.  He head circumference is literally off the charts.  It is so big* we had to have a sonogram to make sure it wasn't, in fact, a melon.  It's not, it's a regular huge head, but the doctor told us to keep the dogs away so they don't get sucked into its gravitational pull.      

Also, everyone thinks she's a boy.  Sometimes it's because I dress her like a boy.  Like, yesterday, she was wearing a blue onesie, snail pants, and a brown and orange zipper cardigan.  I would have worn that outfit, but if I saw a baby of otherwise undiscernable gender wearing blue, I would also assume it was a boy.  Yesterday, we just went with it.  An old crone in the grocery remarked, "what a big healthy boy," and I said, "thank you.  He has a huge penis, too."  But, today, I dressed Temple in a purple and white striped dress that had a pink butterfly on it, and the man who served me my sausage said, "what a big boy, he's going to be a football player."  Yeah, a transvestite football player.  He'll surely be a leader on that team.  

Anyway, I need to shove more food in my face before Temple awakes from her nap.  More to come...

*Remember "yo mamma" jokes from the nineties?  "Yo mamma so fat, when she went to the movies, she sat next to everyone."  I should start "my baby" jokes.  "My baby head so big, we love her unconditionally."  Hilarious.